What does tolerance mean to you?

Today, November 16, is International Day for Tolerance. The day commemorates the passing of the Declaration of the Principles of Tolerance following the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which banned all discrimination based on race, colour, religion, disabilities, sex, or national origin.

In 1996, the UN General Assembly invited UN Member States to observe the International Day for Tolerance on 16 November, to generate awareness of the dangers of intolerance. It followed up on the United Nations Year for Tolerance, 1995, proclaimed by the UN General Assembly.

Tolerance has become a word with several shades of meaning. There is of course the literal that you would find in the dictionary, and then there are the implied meanings that people have come to associate the word with. Indian Weekender asked a cross section of six Kiwis of what tolerance meant to them.

Meet the six Kiwis we spoke to:

Jeet Suchdev, an Indian who is the Chair of the Bhartiya Samaj Charitable Trust. He has been involved with serving the South Asian community for the last 25 years and in many capacities in the social service and charitable space.

Murali Kumar is of Indian heritage, born and raised in Singapore. He supports a wide group of South East Asian communities, such as Indian, Chinese, Cambodian, Lao Asian, Thai and Indonesian, for the past 20 years. He considers himself "a Singaporean Indian by default and an Indian Kiwi by choice."

Narendra Bhana, is of Indian origin and is the immediate past-President of Auckland Indian Association Inc. as well as a respected and dedicated community worker across Auckland’s diverse communities, besides being a businessman.

Imé Corkery describes herself as Euro-African, “which means l am from Dutch, British and Xhosa descent.” She is a member of the LGTBQIA+, Euro-African and the Invisible Illness community.

Hugh Lyal Smith is Maori-Irish and does not like to confine himself into any one group in particular.

Rachel [not her name] is a Master’s student and is of European descent, or as she likes to put it, "New Zealand Pakeha." She is a member of the LGBT community and was diagnosed with an invisible disability known as ‘Ehlers-Danlos syndrome.’

[An invisible disability is a form of disability where its effect is not obvious to the naked eye. People with invisible disabilities don't use visible medical aides like a wheelchair or prosthetic or even something like a white cane].

What does tolerance mean to you?

Jeet Suchdev:, “If you’re flexible, if you’re tolerant, you’re the right person for this world. We live in a society where we can accept people as they are. You have to tolerate yourself first. When you look in the mirror, you should accept you as you are. Then they are more likely to accept others’ differences.”

Murali Kumar: “Tolerance would mean coexisting with differences, negotiating around these differences, and the ability to do that successfully.”

Rachel: “Linguistically (tolerance) means even if I don’t understand or don’t agree, I recognise your validity as a fellow human being; I don’t have the right to impose my way of being upon you if you aren’t hurting another person. But I’m far happier with the word acceptance rather than tolerance, which to me gives the impression of bare bones minimum level. Where acceptance would be more like recognising that this is part of the natural diversity of humanity.”

Imé Corkery: “The word tolerance means allowing integration and equal participation for all.”

Narendra Bhana: “Tolerance is being able to put up with matters that you are uncomfortable with.”

Hugh Smith: “Just the max limit someone can bear with letting things slide.”

Have you ever faced intolerance?

Jeet Suchdev: “There are situations when people don’t tolerate you for various reasons, maybe because of your skin, your accent, what you are wearing. But as long as you are walking on the right path you should not worry. You have to be convinced within that you are doing the right thing.”

Murali Kumar: “In different walks of life, in different capacities, we all face intolerance in many ways, because people have less patience to understand something that is different.”

Rachel: “When I was in the music department at the University, it was still very hetero-normative. And my being comfortable with my sexuality was making other students uncomfortable. They didn’t want to be around me because they were worried I might ‘hit on them’.”

She goes on to describe the stereotyping of women: “I wasn’t allowed to get out of wearing heels to perform, even though I said my joints are weak. For me, having to wear heels for a three-hour show when I’m dancing, singing, having costume changes, there were times when I couldn’t focus because I was in so much pain. But they made it clear that my worth as a person was based on my conforming to their standards.”

What's one major thing that people get wrong about the people you support/represent?

Jeet Suchdev: “Over here when people think about Indians, they talk about slums, poverty, deprivation. It’s not only Indians, it's about all different ethnicities. But slowly, they are accepting everyone.”

Murali Kumar: “You should give yourself time to understand and learn and acknowledge differences. People don’t value or understand what diversity is and the strength that diversity brings.”

Narendra Bhana: “Generally, people don't make a genuine effort to find out facts, and they start spreading negativity.”

Imé Corkery: “People often don’t immediately realize I am unwell because I am young. I often get comments from older people suggesting I take the stairs or give up my seat. With regards to my ethnicity, people often get it wrong too. I have had someone who wanted to know exactly how much black blood I had. I often feel caught between two worlds and resident in neither. When it comes to the LGTBQIA+ community, one of the biggest misconceptions is that people think sexuality is something you can determine by looking at someone.”

Rachel: “Having a disability doesn’t mean that I’m pathetic, or weak, or that I can’t get things done. It just means that I have to do them in a slightly different way than normal, or slower. They don’t realise that the world is set up for able-bodied people. To sum it up, disabled people are starting at least 10 km away from the starting point, but everyone is still expected to reach the goal at the same time.”

What do you wish more people did to improve tolerance?

Jeet Suchdev: “Take a deep breath. Some people will love you, some people won’t. It is up to them whether they tolerate me or not.”

Murali Kumar: “Develop interest and develop that opportunity where we have diversity around us and let’s celebrate the diversity.”

Narendra Bhana: “Respect all human beings; remain open-minded; control your ego, remain calm; be patient, and live in the modern world.”

Imé Corkery: “I wish everyone could let people be who they are and respect them for their honesty.”

Rachel: “Education, education, education. Specifically, speaking to or reading information about these issues. By not talking over the voices of minorities; by being respectful.”

Hugh Smith said he wished that people learned before they spoke.

Whether it is tolerance day or not, I think we should treat each other as human beings. I hope this piece got you thinking about your fellows. Let us not just accept, but celebrate our differences.